Flower Power Read online

  Writing these thoughts down in her notebook, codifying them on the page, made Taryn go even deeper into her considerations. How could someone who had worked so hard and achieved so much still be unhappy? What had brought her to hating herself? What made her feel so weak?

  Her chase in life had always been money. It was a trait she inherited from her parents. Money had always been equated with happiness in her family, and good deeds—good deeds in the eyes of her parents—were rewarded with money. It had always been an obvious thing to Taryn. If you had a lot of money, you could buy whatever you wanted, and then you’d be happy.

  But at thirty-seven years old, she was far from happy. Closer now, in a way, out on the farm with fewer cares and responsibilities to deal with. However, it was becoming abundantly clear that to Taryn, the lessons she’d been taught about success as a girl were not holding up.

  Taryn put the pen in her mouth and chewed as she read what she had written. It all made sense. Her subconscious was releasing all these pent up feelings, and they just felt right. She smiled gently to herself, and she felt pretty good about where she had wandered.

  Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a body coming around the corner into the clearing, and a pang of fear buzzed inside of her. She instantly recognized the body moving her way, because of the shape. It was a pregnant woman. It was Penny.

  Taryn quickly adjusted her bottoms to cover her ass again, and as Penny closed in an embarrassed Taryn held her arm over her bare chest. There just wasn’t enough time to get her top back on before Penny arrived.

  “I am so sorry,” said Penny, putting a hand to her chest. “I didn’t realize you were sunning nude.”

  “That’s okay,” replied Taryn, shifting a bit, trying to get comfortable. She felt wholly exposed.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Penny said, a blithe smile across her lips. “I have those, too.” She motioned toward Taryn’s chest. Taryn laughed softly.

  “Right,” said Taryn.

  “I’m just out for a little walk around the homestead,” said Penny. “I like to come out here and touch this stone.” Ambling away from where Taryn lay, Penny approached the large rock and put her palm to it. “It’s so warm.”

  “I’d figure you’d be just about ready to spend the rest of your pregnancy off your feet,” said Taryn.

  “Yes,” said Penny. “That’s coming. I’m not ready to give my feet up yet. But it is getting harder to move around. What are you working on there?”

  “This?” Taryn said, looking to her notebook. “Just writing down some thoughts.”

  “Hmm,” mused Penny. As she stepped back over towards Taryn once more, Taryn felt her sense of comfort return and she exposed herself, using both arms once more to prop herself up on her stomach.

  “It’s nothing, really,” Taryn went on. “I’m just trying to get a handle on my feelings.”

  “That can be difficult,” said Penny.

  “I’m on this train of thought now,” said Taryn, tapping her pen against her notebook. “Where I’m thinking about money and that maybe I have an obsession with it.”

  “You and a lot of other people,” Penny said.

  “Do you want to sit?” Taryn asked, looking up at her.

  “If I sit down there,” said Penny. “It’s going to be a heck of a time getting back up.” Taryn laughed.

  “Right,” Taryn said.

  “I’ll get moving here in a minute, anyway,” said Penny. “I won’t bother you much longer.”

  “You’re not bothering me at all,” said Taryn. Penny smiled.

  “So do you think your obsession with money is why you’re feeling so bad?” Penny posited.

  “I don’t know,” said Taryn. “I think maybe it’s because I don’t feel like there’s an enough point. Even though I’ve done pretty well for myself—these last few years, especially—I just haven’t been able to dial back from work and rest. I’ve felt this pressure to keep working harder and harder, just to earn more and more. But I don’t feel like I spend it on anything worthwhile, anything that gives me actual happiness.”

  “I don’t think happiness can be bought,” said Penny, then considering her own words upon hearing them. “Maybe up to a point, it can. Up to having some security in life. But beyond that, when it becomes an obsession, when you’re hoarding it or sacrificing everything to it, you’re no longer buying happiness. You’re sacrificing happiness.”

  “Yeah, you might be right,” agreed Taryn.

  “Speaking of money,” said Penny. “Did you hear we bought another shipping container?”

  “No,” said Taryn. “Like what you and Dev’s house is made out of?”

  “Yes,” Penny said. “It should be delivered within a week or so.”

  “What’s the plan with it?”

  “We’re not sure yet,” said Penny. “Lucas had this idea that maybe we could get this other shipping container, turn it into a little home, and then rent it out online as another way to make income. He saw you here, kind of on an intermission from life, and Lucas thought maybe we could offer that to others.”

  “That’s actually a pretty good idea,” agreed Taryn. “I’ve loved it here.”

  “Others might enjoy a working holiday as well,” continued Penny. “Anyway, it should be here soon and you ought to be around for it. It’s fun watching it delivered. They come in on a big truck, and then they use a crane to pick it up and place it. It’s a sight to see.”

  “I won’t miss it,” said Taryn. Both women smiled at one another.

  “All right,” said Penny. “I’ll let you get back to sunbathing and your thoughts, dear. I’m sure I’ll see you around later.”

  “Yes,” said Taryn. “I’ll see you around.”

  Penny offered one more smile before she slowly moved off from Taryn, heading back the way she came, leaving the clearing and disappearing behind a stand of trees on her way back to the farm.

  Rolling over onto her back now, Taryn shifted her rear around and got comfortable once more on the blanket. She looked up into the sky through her dark sunglasses and she pondered. Penny seemed so maternal and caring, mature beyond her years. Even though Taryn knew she was older than Penny, she still felt as though Penny was more wise and seasoned than she. Taryn sighed and she watched the clouds.

  The sun felt nice on her body. And the calm felt nice on her mind.

  The bonfire flickered and crackled, embers floating up into the night sky. As they usually did, everyone had broken off into groups for private conversations. It was always like a party, in that regard. People would come and go from conversations, moving around the gathering, being social, having fun. Taryn had really come to love these powwows. She had grown close with these people, even closer with Alex, and she didn’t want her time at the farm to come to an end. The idea that her time off of work was beginning to run out, however, was always in the back of her mind.

  Alex and Taryn stood together, each with a small cup of Dev’s beer. It was effervescent and bubbly, much more so than regular store-bought beer. But it had a nice fruitiness to it, which was why Alex agreed to have some. She wasn’t fond of the taste of beer, but the fruit made it more palatable to her. The two lovers spoke happily to one another, enjoying each other’s company and the light of the fire. The conversations of others echoed all around them.

  “Hey ladies,” said Astrid with a grin on her face. Astrid was small and plucky, a cute blonde who was no more than five feet tall. She approached Alex and Taryn, she too holding a cup of beer.

  “Hey Astrid,” said Alex. Reaching over, she wrapped one arm around Astrid and hugged her. Astrid returned the hug.

  “Hi Astrid,” Taryn said. “How are you tonight?”

  “I’m good,” Astrid replied. “Loving Dev’s beer. He’s really perfecting the recipe, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah,” agreed Taryn. “Even Alex likes it.” Taryn laughed and pointed at Alex, and Alex in turn lifted her cup up to toast.

  “It’s not bad,�
�� said Alex. “The cherries really make it.”

  “Nice,” said Astrid. “Hey, I came over here to ask you girls something.”

  “Sure,” said Alex. “What’s up?”

  “You interested in some mushrooms?” Astrid asked. Taryn raised a brow and looked to Alex for better clarification.

  “Yeah,” Alex replied with enthusiasm. “That sounds great.”

  “Mushrooms?” said Taryn. “Is that like… magic mushrooms?” Astrid laughed.

  “The very same,” said Astrid. “Psilocybin. You ever tried them, Taryn?”

  “No,” admitted Taryn. “I never have.”

  “Well, you’re in a good place to try them,” said Astrid. “Out in nature is the best place, among good friends and a relaxed atmosphere.”

  “Astrid has been growing them,” Alex informed. “Farm fresh!” Both Alex and Astrid laughed at her joke.

  “I don’t know,” said Taryn. “I guess I just don’t have any experience with them, so I don’t know what to think.”

  “You don’t have to do them, babe,” Alex said with a reassuring smile. She reached her hand over, threading it through Taryn’s arm, and rubbed her back.

  “Yeah, no pressure,” said Astrid. “Just thought I’d offer.”

  “Well,” Taryn wavered. “I could probably try a little bit. What’s it going to do?”

  “It’s a psychedelic,” said Alex. “You’ll trip. It’s like being high, but a little more intense, a little more mind-altering.”

  “Here,” said Astrid, handing each woman a single little ball of foil. “I melted chocolate over them so they’ll taste better. If you eat them on their own, they taste pretty gross.”

  Taryn accepted the ball of foil. She slowly unwrapped it to see what was inside. When the contents were revealed, it looked like just a piece of misshapen chocolate. Taryn stared down into it for a moment. She could feel her heart race as she considered the prospect of doing mushrooms. It was foreign to her, and she was nervous, but there was also a wave of excitement that washed over her. This wasn’t something she would normally do, and stepping out of her comfort zone like this was very enticing, very freeing.

  When Taryn looked up, both Alex and Astrid had already opened up their own foil balls and were eating their mushroom chocolate without a second thought. Taryn hesitated, but then she decided to just go with it. She popped her piece into her mouth and chewed. The chocolate tasted sweet, but she could still taste the mushroom inside of it. It was gritty and earthy, chewy, sort of like a normal mushroom but a little more bitter. Taryn powered through the taste, and then she swallowed.

  “Hey,” said Taryn after a moment. “Is this going to make me freak out?”

  “No,” said Alex with a tender smile. “You’ll be just fine.”

  “I told Penny I was going to trip tonight,” said Astrid. “Mama Bear will look after us.”

  “Okay,” Taryn said with some trepidation. “Just hold my hand on this one. I’ve never done this before.”

  “We will,” Alex affirmed. She took Taryn’s hand, she squeezed it, and she smiled adoringly. As Taryn looked into Alex’s eyes, she felt calmed.

  For the next hour, things progressed as more or less normal in their conversation. Though Penny came around and took the beers from the ladies, replacing them each with a stainless steel canteen of water. At times, Taryn thought she could feel something happening, but she wasn’t sure what that even meant. She had a minor stomach ache for about five minutes or so, and at first she was worried, but once that stomach ache subsided she started to feel a bit woozy. A good kind of woozy. Loopy and relaxed.

  The voices of the others hanging around the fire became muddled, and Taryn felt like she could feel the voices reverberate off of her body. It was a strange sensation. She touched her bare arm to see how it felt compared to the voices. Her hands were cold, and when she touched her arm with her finger, it left a cold feeling on her skin.

  “Purple monkey dishwasher,” Astrid said to Taryn with a smile, touching her elbow.

  “What?” replied Taryn with a laugh. “What did you just say?”

  “I said… please get back from the fire, you goof,” said Astrid. “What did you think I said?”

  “Huh?” Taryn said, looking behind herself. She took a few steps away from the fire, and their little group of three shifted to accommodate Taryn’s movement.

  “I think she’s feeling it,” Astrid said to Alex with a grin.

  “I definitely am,” said Alex.

  “My hands are cold,” Taryn said, looking down into her hands and inspecting them. Her fingers appeared to wobble as she flipped her hands back and forth, from her palm to the backside. She never really thought about how slender her fingers were before.

  “Let me see,” said Alex. She took both of Taryn’s hands in hers and felt them. “They don’t feel that cold to me, babe.”

  “Do my fingers feel slender?”

  “Hmm,” Alex intoned. She felt Taryn’s fingers individually for a moment and considered the question. “Yeah, I think they feel slender. Astrid, what do you think?”

  “Let me see,” said Astrid, stepping in front of Taryn. She did the same as Alex, taking Taryn’s hand, and feeling her fingers. “They are pretty slender fingers.”

  “Too slender?” Taryn asked. The other two laughed.

  “I think they’re just right,” said Alex. “The perfect amount of slender.”

  “Good,” said Taryn. She inspected her fingers once more.

  Some time past, but Taryn wasn’t sure how much exactly. It felt like an hour, but it also might have been just a few minutes. Her face hurt a little bit, and when she brought her hand to it, she could feel herself smiling. Taryn patted at her cheeks and felt the softness of her skin. No longer did her hands feel cold. Rather, she felt warm and cozy, almost like she was wrapped up in a big blanket in the middle of winter, swaddled in comfort and love. But it was summer, it was mild out, and she was wearing shorts. Also, it suddenly came to her that she was lying on the ground. Standing upright next to her were Alex and Astrid, continuing their conversation.

  A vision appeared to Taryn. It was a very familiar vision. It was a body, thick and rotund, and it hovered over Taryn and obscured her line of sight. Taryn stared into this vision for a moment, focusing her eyes, trying to make sense of it. It was like a shadow, lit up by an intense orange flame flickering behind it.

  “Is she okay?” the vision asked, speaking to Alex and Astrid.

  “She said her legs were too slender to keep standing,” said Astrid. “So we put her down on the ground.”

  “Hey big slender!” Taryn called out in song. Alex and Astrid laughed, and the hovering vision looked down at Taryn with a irrepressible smile and a shake of its head.

  “I think she’s having fun,” said Alex.

  “Baby,” the vision said, looking down at Taryn, still smiling. “Are you having fun?”

  Right then it hit Taryn what—or rather, who—this vision was.

  “Mama Bear!” said Taryn, reaching her arms up. Penny took Taryn by the hands and squeezed.

  “Hi sweetie,” said Penny. “Do you need anything? More water? A hug?”

  “You are so beautiful,” Taryn replied, her words coming out with a very deep earnestness. “You are the most beautiful pregnant mama I have ever seen in my entire life. You are so pretty.”

  “Thank you very much,” said Penny. “You are so pretty, too. You’re pretty inside and out.”

  “Thank you,” cooed Taryn. “Thank you.”

  “If you need anything,” said Penny. “I’m staying up to babysit you three for just one more hour. Just call for me and I’ll come take care of you.”

  “Mama Bear!” Astrid called out, cupping her hand to the side of her mouth.

  “Mama Bear!” howled Alex, mirroring Astrid. The call rang out in the night, and the others hanging around the fire laughed and clapped, knowing what was going on with the three ladies. Penny grinned and shook her h
ead.

  “You girls are tripping balls,” said Penny.

  “I don’t have any balls,” mused Taryn. “I don’t think I do.” Reaching down, she felt herself between her legs. Penny laughed.

  “You’re cute, Taryn,” said Penny. “All right, ladies. I’ll run up to the house once more to refresh your canteens before I go to bed, then you’re on your own. Be safe. I know the two of you are experienced,” she said, addressing Alex and Astrid. “So I trust I won’t have to worry about her.”

  “We’re great,” Alex said with a big happy grin.

  “We’re cool,” replied Astrid, feigning the movement and voice of someone acting ‘cool.’

  “Real cool,” said Alex, continuing the tease.

  “I know you are,” said Penny. “You’re both cool. Have fun.” Looking down, Penny blew Taryn a kiss and then she walked off.

  After Penny had disappeared, Taryn reached out slowly and she grabbed for the kiss. Lowering her hand back, she pushed the kiss into her lips.

  It was getting later. The group had begin to disperse into the night, and the fire was dying down. Eventually, only the three women—deep into their trip—remained near the bonfire. Taryn was sitting crosslegged on the ground, looking upwards. The stars looked like one of those time lapse photos. Instead of far off dots out in the blackness, they were streaking across the sky like comets or quasars or whatever the term was. Taryn couldn’t remember. But she felt good. She felt like those streaking stars were trying to tell her something. They were burning bright, and streaking into the night.

  “That sounds like a good idea,” mused Astrid. “I’m going to streak into the night.”

  “What?” Taryn said. She wasn’t sure if Astrid had read her mind, or if she had been speaking out loud.

  “Astrid!” said Alex through a laugh. “What are you doing?”

  Astrid was quickly disrobing. She was already in her bare feet, but then her shorts and underwear came down with a single swift movement. Next, she peeled her top off and navigated out of her bralette. Alex was still laughing as she watched. Astrid, now completely in the buff, picked up all of her clothes from the ground and she threw them further away into the darkness.